Crossroads of Indecision
by Koichama
Summary: Kurogane left the Northern Water Tribe to seek what he lost, a task made difficult by an air nomad who never wanted to be found. At the crossroads of life, they could choose a path forged with hope for the future, or one burdened by mistakes of the past.
1. Chapter 1

An Avatar: the last airbender crossover. Even though this set in the Avatar world, the period takes place before the series, during the time Kyoshi was Avatar. Considering I am a Kurofai fan, expect that couple.

Warnings: AU, bending the laws of physics, and flashbacks.

* * *

><p>This, Kurogane reflected, was the longest time he had spent away from home. He put miles between himself and his culture. What for? So he could search for a feather sent adrift in the vast skies of the world. Of course, the feather was an analogy for the inane subject of his search.<p>

Everything he had from home he carried on his back, even his heavy fur coat, which was becoming a liability within the warmer climate of the Earth Kingdom. Was the subject of his search even worth the heartache? Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the vast icy walls of his homeland, his people traveling the channels with narrow boats, the pull of the waves as they passed, the perfect harmony between people and ocean. He was a severed limb, cut from the main body of his family, of everything familiar.

He traveled along the river. The timid note of the water rushing through the small cut of land, paled in comparison to the ocean orchestra of his homeland. The water was nowhere near the color of blue in his memories. Dark stones and dirt dyed the river the same color as the earth, and green moss clung to rocks, reflecting in the surface of the water. These rivers of the Earth Kingdom were more cluttered than his home waterways. He even saw a bit of orange and yellow debris float in the currents. The debris looked a lot like clothes, and it looked a lot like someone was still wearing them!

He planted his feet on the soft earth and pulled the waves toward him. Carefully, letting the chi flow naturally from his arms, to the waves, and back again, he pulled the body to the shore. His heart beat as he recognized the garb of the airbenders. From experience, he knew that the free-spirited airbenders did not think things all the way through. He met his last airbender under similar circumstances, pulling his dumbass out of peril. This certainly brought back painful memories.

His heart thumped faster when he rushed to the body's side and noticed the blond hair. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Idiot." He voiced the insult softly, as if speaking to a loved one.

He felt the pulse under the skin and breathed, but something was blocking his chi. He laid his hand on the chest. The body's center of fire was drowning. Caressing the sternum, he pulled the liquid from the lungs and out the mouth. Without the water blocking his breath, the man coughed and spluttered, a sound Kurogane was grateful to hear.

The crackle of the fire accompanied him that night along with the muffled noises of his unconscious guest. The airbender was icy to the touch, so the best thing he thought of was to remove his soaked garments and wrap him in his fur-lined sleeping bag. He did not know if he should have wrapped him less tightly. He looked years younger, swaddled like a newborn, just like when he first saw him.

Fai. He did not think he would meet the nomad again, let alone under the same conditions. He dreamed about it, though. After all the airbender put him through, he fantasized about knocking him upside the head. Those fantasies soothed him to sleep every night as he lay on the hard earth.

Fai changed little in the past few months. His hair was the only marker of time; it now grew long enough to tie in a loose ponytail. Even when he slept, he still looked otherworldly, as if he was a mischievous spirit that just manifested in his orderly life. He stared at the master airbender tattoo, a blue arrow, now hidden behind long bangs. He knew that the arrow ran along his back, branching and curving snake-like around his limbs. An arrow marked each hand and foot. He used to see the mark often, a long time ago.

How would he react to the waterbender? Six months ago, Kurogane almost believed that Fai would be a permanent fixture in his life. He should have known better of an airbender. He just blew into his life, and just as quickly blew out.

**oOo**

All the waterbenders that day were called upon to fix the damage from the storm that swept the Northern Water Tribe. During his numbing task of sweeping the ocean to build the ice-wall, he noticed an unusual lump in the snow. Despite his first impression of it being nothing more than a seal-turtle carcass, he flicked the snow off using waterbending to find a human, alive but battered.

This strange fair man was not from his tribe. The most alien feature, and most noticeable, was the blue tattoo on his shaved head. However, he had no time to admire the markings, as the tattoo was not the only thing blue on this frozen man. What idiot traveled the icy terrain wearing nothing more than a robe and shawl? Without aid and shelter, this unknown man would meet the spirits before nightfall. He had no choice but to deliver him to the healers.

Wrapping him in his own fur-lined coat, Kurogane hauled him into his boat and sped to the center of the city. He hoped that they were not too busy with their own injured. The storm struck their walls hard, but the spirits were lenient; the walls weathered most of the damage.

It was several days after he dropped the airbender at the healers until he saw him again. The stranger had almost left the mortal plane, but his tribe's healers were talented enough to keep him in this world. Kurogane tried not to concern himself with the stranger. His task was done, and since he was not a healer, he would only be a hindrance. Besides, he was not the type to stick his head into other people's huts. He resolved not to care about the man, as he was certain that he would leave before the moon waned. Shocked he was when the airbender hunted him down instead.

"I hear the man who saved my life is here," he said one day, after invading the training grounds and ruining Kurogane's perfect form. "You were a hard one to find, but everyone kept telling me that my savior was a tall fella who trained a lot and looked as if he ate a bowl of sour sea prunes."

"Who told you that?" He had the notion that a little princess dropped by the healer's tent.

"Quite a few people really." The stranger was dressed in the garb of his people, yet he did not carry himself like Kurogane. His posture was relaxed, hands pulled together, sleeve over sleeve, body leaning slightly to the direction of the wind as if he was prepared to let it sweep him away.

"All I did was pulled you out of the snow," Kurogane said. "The healers saved you."

He smiled even with his face still scarred, a practiced expression meant to appease others. However, the smile was lost on Kurogane, who did not appreciate deception. What was there to say? The airbender did not offer gratitude, nor did he appear grateful, despite his ridiculously wide smile.

At last, he spoke, "Is 'rescue' the more appropriate term then? When a person rescues another person, that person accepts the responsibility of that life. I owe you at least a little favor for accepting the responsibility for my life." An ungracious debt was what he proposed? Perplexity was this man.

"I just pulled you out of the snow, nothing more," he said with a mumble, convincing himself that the heat rushing to his face was because of the sudden chill in the air. Where did this guy come from to say such things?

Perhaps ignoring him would make him go away. Perhaps not…. "My name is Fai. Can I call you by anything, or do I have to make up a name, Master Sea Prune?"

"It's Kurogane!"

**oOo**

In retrospect, Fai was obviously trying to instigate him. For a waterbender, he boiled over quickly. He smiled at the memory of himself. He changed since then; he could only remember his past self, fondly and with a little embarrassment. Kurogane was a different man now.

"Master Kuro-rin?" Fai said weakly upon opening his eyes.

"It's Kurogane."

"If I am dead, then are you dead too?" he said, pushing himself up. "Ah… no, not dead." The airbender breathed harshly and winced. Finally, giving up, he collapsed. Forgetting his vendetta, Kurogane kneeled over him. Pulling the water from his basin and into his hand, he asked, "Where does it hurt?" "Lower back." He applied the water like a salve and focused his energy on the battered body. Fai's body and blood pulsed in synch with his, and he felt torn muscles and the bruised skin. From the looks of him, he had fallen out of every tree in the Earth Kingdom. Fai lay before him, exposed, yet he only felt compassion for the broken form before him. Even his rage was engulfed by a great tide of relief and concern. He found him; despite great odds, he found him. Someone or something out there deposited this gift on his lap just when he had lost hope of ever seeing the air nomad alive.

The airbender's body shook, but whether it was with laughter or sobs, Kurogane could not tell. A person could cry and laugh at the same time. Between laughing and crying, Fai said, "I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out whether or not I'm lucky."

"You're a lucky idiot."

"How did you find me, Master Kuro? Did you follow a little red string?" he asked. His derisive remark was dressed in a wistful tone.

"I just walked."

Fai groaned as the muscle in his body mended. "You're really rough. When did you learn how to heal?"

"Shortly after you left. I felt my training was lacking in this area."

"Did you leave just for me?"

The waterbender paused with his ministrations, the orb of water clinging to his hand like a second skin. For six months, he had locked away the answer to that question. Everything he cared for he had left behind; he told himself that. His love for his people was as rooted into his being as his need for air. Yet, for Fai, he had, in a sense, stopped breathing, stopped living for his people. For the stray airbender, he accepted that loss. Love was too simple of an answer, but little else made sense. "Did you already forget?" he said, with words like frostbite, "Your life is my responsibility."

"Kurogane…"

** oOo**

"Master Kuro-tan?"

"It's Kurogane. Isn't three weeks enough time to remember my damn name?" he yelled up at the airbender who leaned precariously over the ledge. His heart stopped beating weeks ago at Fai's natural defiance of gravity. The man could leap upon high cliffs with ease, gliding himself through the air like a snowflake.

"So what are you doing so far out on the tundra? You can't be tired of civilization so early in the morning, can you?" His grin widened, satisfied with his own light joke.

"I would be ice-fishing, except you won't pipe down."

His heart still flipped when Fai leaped of the ledge. However, like all those times before that, the air caught him before his toe touched ground. The only indicator of his airbending was the snow that picked up and scattered around him.

Fai intruded into his space, as if it was the most natural thing to do, and peeked into the small hole in the ice. "I saw other men using waterbending to fish. Why don't you, Kuro-tan?" he asked with a child-like curiosity.

"I followed the current to this spot. I am able to feel the pull of the sea around me. I am in perfect harmony with water, as a waterbender should be," he said, gruffly. Something about the implication that other waterbenders were capable of doing something he was not, triggered a defense mechanism. Odd, he never cared before what people thought of him, but he did not want to look like a novice in front of Fai.

"But aren't you lonely spending your days by yourself? I have heard stories of the Water Tribe. You have a strong bond with the ocean, with the moon, and with family. I know Kuro-mu is not the most popular guy in the tribe, but doesn't the distance hurt?" Fai sat across from him in a near meditative pose. The answer to that question was buried deep within the waterbender, as deep as the ice flow they rested on, and Kurogane doubted that Fai had the will to dig for the answer.

"What about you?" he said, watching the other's eyes pop briefly in surprise, "I understand that airbenders are nomads, free spirits not bound to one place. Why have you stayed here, even after your wounds healed?"

If possible, the nomad's smile widened, and he said, "That is a good question. I wish I had an answer that could satisfy a guy like you."

He gazed at the sun, as if he wanted to fly. His expression changed to one of solemn contemplation. "I suppose..., people are bound by more than the physical world." Fai's cryptic message left Kurogane colder on the inside than on the outside. For the past few weeks, nothing but hot air and nonsense spewed from the man. That lonesome sentence stood in stark contrast to what Kurogane had come to expect from him. The airbender did not reveal any information, but he felt the raw truth behind his words and their meaning to Fai. The question remained, "_What was Fai bound by?"_

Kurogane felt the tug of his line and ignored it. Now was not the time to fish. "Even when I am alone, I feel the bonds of the Water Tribe, like you said, bound by something other than the physical world," he said, though he was confused about the nature of bonds as well.

** oOo**

Now, Kurogane knew more about the nature of bonds. Bonds connected all life together, the good, the bad, and the neutral. People formed bonds with other people; the bonds affect other lives, and in turn affect the lives of more people. When Fai happened upon the Northern Water Tribe, he unintentionally formed a network of bonds, not the least of which was with Kurogane. Fai was a nomad, so he should have been more careful with the bonds he created. He should have been careful with who he left behind.

"Why did you leave?"

"It's complicated," said Fai.

They both stared at the dancing flames, sitting across from each other, as they did on the ice flow months ago. When he looked at Fai, he thought the fire casted more shadows on the man than light. Amazing, the airbender could even hide from light.

"Why did you search for me?"

"It's complicated." Kurogane first tried to answer himself one question, "_What did Fai mean to him?_" That, he did not know. Their relationship was a tangled web of memories, emotions, and unanswered questions.

"How did you really find me?"

"I just followed the trail, asking travelers about a blond monk with a idiotic looking grin on his face," he said. He leaned back and soaked in the glory of being able to tease the airbender for once, and the best part was that it was true. "Master Kuro is so clever," said Fai.

"…Were you running from something?" he asked, chiseling for an answer little by little.

"Who would I be running from, Kuro-min? You? I never thought you would give chase."

"You tell me," he said, ignoring the hollow tone of Fai's voice. Fai avoided the real question behind the question, for Kurogane knew the airbender was running long before they met.

"How about we get some sleep," Kurogane said. Easing the tension in the air was as easy as paddling a canoe up a waterfall. He was destined to fail, and the tension remained even after Fai tucked himself in Kurogane's sleeping bag. With a last lamenting stare at the nomad, he settled into his own fur coat.

That night, he dreamt of flying home.

* * *

><p>To be continued,<p>

Originally, this story was planned as a single chapter. 3000 words later, I realized that I should split the chapters up. All together, the story should take 3-4 chapters to complete. It's still a short story, though.


	2. Chapter 2

An Avatar: the last airbender crossover. Even though this set in the Avatar world, the period takes place before the series, during the time Kyoshi was Avatar.

* * *

><p>The opposing forces of yin and yang maintained balance in a person, as it would in nature; as long as one followed one's own nature, one would be in harmony with all. The primary principle of Tao was the principle of life, and a force Kurogane believed in.<p>

The balance of powers also worked to keep a body healthy. Thus far, his nature has served him well. By sheer willpower alone, he had staved off illness for years, not allowing anything like a simple flu to defeat him. Recently, the balance shifted, and the resilient water-bender caught his first cold in years. As he lay on his straw mat, feeling as if his body had rebelled against him, he tried to will the persistent illness away.

His hut was a stranger's place for him. He only remembered his hut as it looked at night; every other day he would train, or fish, or run some errand or another that kept him away from his home. His dome ceiling of ice was nothing spectacular, and he bored staring at it. At least it served his purpose and kept the chilly air at bay. A few items filled the empty space: a fishing pole and line, a trunk, odd weapons, some of which he never used, furs, and a select few curios. He had forgotten how much stuff he had. Fai was the one thing in the hut that he would label as an oddity – a natural fixture in Kurogane's life now, yet an unnatural presence in his home.

"Poor Master Kuro-rin. You should have never had a snowball fight. It's a good thing I am here to care for you." Back facing him, crouched over a boiling pot, Fai could not see Kurogane's icy glare.

"You started the snowball fight!"

Fai convinced the Water Tribe boys and girls to ambush Kurogane. The airbender received much of his ire, as the skilled waterbender buried him in snow before sunset, sparing the kids led astray by the idiotic demon. Some divine force out there possessed an ironic sense of humor, as Kurogane was the only one bedridden with the flu.

Fai shoved a bowl under his nose. Kurogane took one look at the sprouts, growing out like tentacles over the bowl, floating in what looked like swamp water, and he felt the urge to vomit. Greener than the soup, he asked, "What the hell is that?"

"Bitter squid-root soup," he said with enthusiasm, even though the name was just as sickly as the soup. Kurogane found it difficult to swallow, both physically and figuratively, that Fai actually made a niche as a cook. Never mind that Fai, while being a vegetarian, cooked in a place where the people loved seal-jerky and arctic-hen, but his concoctions were…this! How could someone who never used meat for ingredients manage to create dishes that looked alive? "It's a house-favorite."

Kurogane very much wanted to call him a liar, but something else weighed his mind. "Why are you here?"

"Because you're sick, of course."

Kurogane could have made a more pressing argument, especially since Fai did not answer the real question. However, it would take more than a sick man, and more than a few questions, to wrestle a straight answer out of Fai. He knew nothing of the airbender's past, but he knew his nature, or he thought he did.

"Kuro-rin, do you think a person can change his nature?" With all possibilities, Kurogane most likely just imagined the question, a delusion brought on by his illness and wandering thoughts.

**oOo**

His sleeping patterns were erratic, arising with the moon and falling with the next moon. The cycle of day and night was just another example of yin and yang. Kurogane felt unbalanced with the day and night as well. Thus, the waterbender was not surprised that he woke before the sun. He was surprised, though, that Fai woke before him.

Oblivious to Kurogane, the airbender crouched over a pot, which Kurogane recognized as his own lumpy pot. The flames licked the porcelain base as Fai stirred. A heavy aroma wafted from the pot and settled in Kurogane's gut.

Kurogane snapped a few twigs as he crawled to his feet, causing his blond companion to startle. Fai looked at him with eyes like a surprised rabbit. That expression quickly melted into his usual vacantly amused one. "Master Kuro-mu? So, you're up. I had to rummage through your bag for a pot and some rice. I would apologize for the breach in personal space, but since I also had to look for my own clothes, I believe we're even."

Blushing, he walked over to Fai and sat down. "You were soaked. I only undressed you because I didn't want you to catch a cold. I should have known better. Idiots don't catch colds," he said while avoiding eye contact. Fai's amused smirk grew more prominent as Kurogane continued to fluster and blush.

Testing the rice, his amused expression disappeared. "It's a little bland, but considering what I had to work with, it will have to do." He reminded Kurogane that any dissatisfaction with the meal was situational. Fai did not defend himself as a liar, a tease, or a coward, but he deterred any man who would question his culinary skill.

They sat in silence, eating bland rice, and keeping even blander company. Only the crickets and birds talked. Kurogane spent several nights alone in the wilderness, so he was accustomed to silence, but not this heavy silence that pressed on them, reminding him that every moment was a word loss. After so long, he imagined himself at least talking with Fai. By the time the sun rose, the whole camp was on Kurogane's back, and he was following the river again.

The sound of rushing water did not bring fond memories as they did yesterday. His thoughts were lost amongst the clouds, those formless wisps of air and water that drifted haplessly with the wind. The airbender limped behind him, cradling his side. It took three of his steps to measure one of Kurogane's strides. He wondered if keeping Fai by his side was enough to keep him from drifting away.

"Kuro-pii, did you happen to find my glider?"

"You're joking right?" He said, now realizing that the airbender must have been flying before being swept into the river. Luck must have been his tailwind, as the airbender should not be alive.

"I was flying when I was struck by lightning and crashed."

"Again!"

"Oh, right. I told you that story before didn't I?"

The waterbender felt as if his throat was on fire from restraining his exasperated scream. Now, Fai could not even keep track of his lies! He handled his fibs as he handled himself, carelessly, thrown into danger's path, waiting for destruction, waiting for salvation, waiting for fate to make up its mind! The more he thought about it, the more he realized with sickening confidence that Fai had not changed.

**oOo**

"Master Kuro-puu!" Fai blew into his hut like a hurricane. Kurogane, unaware and unprepared, tangled himself in his own shirt as he dressed. Indignant, he fixed his clothes, feeling foolish for stuffing his head in his sleeve.

"It's Kurogane!" he said from force of habit, forgetting the more serious implication of Fai freely walking in while he dressed.

The intruder twirled a crafted staff in his hand, and in true Fai-flare, he continued to chat, as if it was the only natural course of action. "Good news. Nyda was able to craft a glider for me based on my schematics." _What was it about Fai that turned his world inside out? Was it his ability to change the course of his day with little effort, unbalancing his life?_ "Saving enough money was difficult. I do not get paid much for cooking." _The other day, instead of quiet meditation, Fai dragged him to ride buffalo-yaks. Bufallo-Yaks! _"I have a day off, so I thought I would try this out for the first time." _The waterbender had to scrub off at least two layers of skin to eliminate the buffalo-yak smell. Despite that, Kurogane knew Fai would coerce him into something stupid again. _"I was thinking of testing it near that ravine I almost fell into the other day."

"Damn it Fai, I'm trying to think!"

"You can think later, Master shirt-bender."

Before the waterbender could curse him, or comprehend his new nickname, Fai stuffed him into his coat; he found himself trapped in a fur-lined prison when his head was once again stuffed in his sleeve. After much grunting, heaving, and wiggling, he was able to free himself. "What are you doing?"

"Don't you want to come with?"

"What are you talking about?"

He experienced a few small wonders in the world, dancing lights in the sky, creatures that could swallow houses and create tidal waves with one flip of a tail, even a dragon, though it only flew by briefly, but when Fai twirled his staff to unlatch hidden wings and said, "I want to show you how I fly," a child sized amount of wonder seized him. He imagined the airbender, weightless, surfing the air currents as if they were waves.

His fantasy was blown away when they reached the ravine, only for a blizzard to pick up. Fai smiled benignly at the sky, as if he greeted a friend instead of a storm. Kurogane questioned the airbender's sense of self-preservation many times. However, as he fought to stand against winds that howled like hungry beasts, he questioned it no more. The airbender had no sense of self-awareness at all.

"Forget flying! That wind is going to tear you apart!" he hollered in the airbender's ear, over the wind and the sound of dread that rung in his own ears.

"It's okay! I've flown through worse!" Fay said, and Kurogane was amazed that this wisp of a man could talk so calmly in a storm. His light form looked as if the slightest wind could sweep him away, but he remained rooted. "I was even struck by lightning once."

"What!"

"Here I go!"

"Wait!"

He reached for Fai and stopped, realizing that he had no stake in Fai's life. He knew nothing of Fai really, except that he dragged him everywhere to play. Fai did not share a life with him, he shared a game, one in which the airbender did not expect to win. He did not even expect to win the friendship of the one person he singled out, the most stoic, unsocial, man in the tribe, the one most likely to throw Fai into the ravine.

He couldn't be searching for his own demise; otherwise, he was taking an extremely long time to destroy himself. Yet, Kurogane felt that he would not move an inch if the sky choose to fall on him one day. What was his game? They shared a look; Fai's impossibly blue gaze was as indecipherable as he was. He stood, frozen on spot, as he let a friend fly into the waiting jaws of a howling beast.

Like a butterfly gliding effortlessly in a gale, Fai sailed through the monstrous winds. The airbender looped around, twisted, and dived, mocking the storm and its effort to knock him down. He imagined that Fai was trying to communicate with flying, as if he should understand the message. Perhaps, his fears were unfounded. It might still have been a game, but the fact remained, Fai chose Kurogane to be with him. If anything threatened to knock him down, then at least the waterbender would be there to catch him.

A sudden chill traveled up Kurogane's spine. Slowly, his apprehension grew; slowly, he recognized the feeling of dread. He tracked Fai across the sky, hoping his hunch did not become reality. He held his breath for the airbender's feet to touch ground.

Suddenly, he could not see Fai anymore. His white glider was lost among the snow. "Damn it!" He knew that screaming for Fai was pointless in the storm. Frantically, he scanned the sky, hoping to see the windbag doing a loop-d-loop or something. Nothing happened. Fai was just there one moment and gone the next. Disappeared. No warning. Nothing.

**oOo**

Kurogane periodically glanced at Fai to make sure he was still there. He almost felt as if the man was a spirit that could vanish from this world forever. At times, Fai felt more solid, but at other times, the waterbender questioned the airbender's very existence. Considering how he appeared and reappeared in his life, Kurogane felt his fears were validated. If he let his guard down, the next time Fai disappears could be permanent.

"Remember when you flew in the storm?"

"Ah yes," Fai said, ignoring the tone of the conversation and inserting his own brand of whimsy. "That wasn't one of my smartest ideas."

"Really!" If he tried to contain his screams anymore, his tongue would rip out of his mouth. "That time, you still didn't look half as bad as you do now!"

"Thank you."

"That was not a compliment!" He grabbed the airbender's arm to keep him grounded, with him, on earth. He flinched, even though Kurogane did not hold him tightly. "First time, it was a broken leg. Now this. You're lucky to be alive! I thought I knew you, I thought you changed your life and put your past behind you! I thought you cared about yourself!"

Fai mumbled, eyes hidden by his bangs. The soft voice barely carried on the wind, but Kurogane still heard him say, "I care about you."

"Start caring about yourself, before you start caring about others," he growled. Those words had built up in his chest since he began his arduous journey. "You can't care for anyone as weak as you are. If you really cared, you would take care of yourself, so you won't worry the people you care about!" The bubbling emotions continued to boil. "You are a liar and a damn coward!" Kurogane released his arm, half expecting him to vanish in front of his eyes again.

"It's okay Kuro-min, you don't have to look so upset for saying the truth. I have lied and runaway a lot. I am so troublesome; I'm just flattered that you even considered me in the first place. I would think that someone like you princess would be more worth your time." He laughed at his own dismissive words.

Fai cut himself down, as if he was trying to dismiss his existence, or that he should just disappear. To think that he would compare himself to his princess…, and to suggest whom Kurogane should care for.

"I didn't mean it like that." Kurogane instantly regretted his words. Words were never his friends, hence his aloofness. For once, he wished he could dress his speech with pretty words and soft tones. He felt as if he was holding a vase on the edge of a sword, and one wrong move could tip it over.

The air nomad shielded his eyes. He had been doing that a lot lately, ever since his hair grew out. As a child, Kurogane was told that a clam could not be forced out of its shell easily, but a warm current could coax the creature into revealing a pearl. He remembered that advice as he pulled Fai into a hug and let all the words he could not say wash over them in a tepid embrace. He wrapped his arms around his back as he held him, remembering his wounds. When Fai returned the hug, his heart beat just a little faster.

"I did not mean to hurt you, Master Kuro. I did not mean to hurt anyone." He buried his wet face into Kurogane's neck and whimpered against his skin. Something inside Fai opened in that moment, a latch that locked secret regrets. Kurogane still did not know what hurt him, as all Fai could do was apologize.

**oOo**

The sky, as clear as it was today, he still remembered the monster it once was. He could not view the sky casually anymore. No matter how many clear sunny days he saw, the image of Fai being swallowed by the endless void still clouded his mind.

He leaned against the icy bridge, motionless, as if he was a part of the structure. The hubbub of everyday life teamed around him. Canoes sailed along the narrow channels; waterbenders at the helm guided the waves with each smooth sway of their arms. Woman and men passed him, tucking their hands in their snug sleeves, smiling pleasantly as they passed.

"Even while surrounded by smiling faces, I have never seen anyone look so upset." Young Princess Tsukiyomi Tomoyo greeted him with her usual mild countenance, stopping along the arched railing to talk with him.

Named for the moon, she was born with a pale complexion, and eyes as dark as midnight, almost ethereal in appearance. Because of this, many have speculated that her origins were mystical, but it was only romanticized fantasy. Her mother, with the same luminescent complexion, was not the moon, but a Fire Nation princess. Princess Tomoyo shared her complexion with her sister, as well, named for the sun; Amaterasu Kendappa lived in the Fire Nation palace with her mother. Her father remained with the tribe, and her mother's allegiance was with the empire. Like the sun and the moon, they could not share the same sky, except for brief moments of their lives, almost like a fairy tale.

The fable-like origins of Princess Tomoyo favored her to the people of the water tribe who were proud of their tribe's relationship with the moon. However, it was her deep-seeded sense of duty and affection for her people that earned her reverence. Kurogane was no exception, though he was her grumpiest subject.

"If this is about Fai, I don't care to hear about it."

"I think the only one in this tribe more stubborn than you is Fai." She spoke of him as though he was a member of the family. Considering her parentage, her blind spot when it came to difference was understandable. Her world was larger than the water tribe, extending far past the icy walls and to the heart of the fire nation where her mother and sister resided. "I spoke with him recently. He was very polite while we peacefully drank tea. He hung onto every word I said, even stuffy political affairs… completely miserable."

"If he is so miserable, he should do something about it. The guy's lucky I was able to rescue his miserable life twice." His gut felt heavy, as if he swallowed three bowels of Fai's meatless squid-root soup. His churning emotions came from the fact that Fai was just unpleasant to think about – that had to be it. He didn't know how Princess Tomoyo could even consider Fai having any kind of similar personality traits as him. Fai was the antithesis of everything that was Kurogane. "I just don't understand that guy."

"You really care about him don't you?"

"I do not!" He jumped to his own defense, quickly dispelling any opinion that the airbender had any effect on him.

The princess, accustomed to his emotional resistance, shrugged. "I suppose we all have our opinions. Separate lives and experiences color our view of the world in many varying shades." She looked at the same spot of sky as Kurogane.

"That cloud looks like a fluffy bunny." To Kurogane it looked more like a rude hand gesture. Then again, the sky had been uncomforting to him lately. The silence stretched, but Kurogane felt as if it was a comfortable silence, a reprieve from unnecessary words…. He still did not see how it looked like a bunny.

"Understanding another person's nature is accepting our natural differences, and appreciating each person's unique contribution in our lives. As a princess, I have to accept that I cannot completely understand all my subjects, but as long as I understand myself, and what I can do for the people I love, I will not be overwhelmed."

"Are you trying to say that the only reason I can't understand him is because I don't understand myself." As much as Princess Tomoyo always insisted that she was not a fortune-teller, he could not help but feel as if she predicted and planned for the whole conversation.

"Actually, I was trying to say that being a princess is hard work, hohoho…." Hearing that teasing voice from such an elegant girl really threw Kurogane off balance. He literally caught himself from falling over the railing when she laughed.

"Only you can understand your true feelings," she said, both knowing yet unassuming. She inclined her head in a slight bow, gracefully moving from one topic to the next. "I have some important business to attend to before the winter solstice. Everyone is expecting a great festival this year. As always, Kurogane, your company has been… interesting." The jest sounded as though it came from an amused older relative, even though Princess Tomoyo was half his age.

She left him with more to ponder than before. He meditated on his own nature as he contemplated his reflection in the channel. Instead of feeling the vastness of the unpredictable sky, he felt the vastness within himself, internalizing his own ever-changing nature. As his mind opened to all the possibilities of the universe inside of him, he came to one understanding…

… The next time he saw Fai, he was going to pelt him with snowballs for the trouble he caused.

* * *

><p>This chapter is longer because I tagged on an extra scene with Tomoyo that wasn't originally planned out. I don't think that is much of a problem. The scene really helps bridge the gap anyway. Plus, more Tomoyo is always welcomed.<p>

Note: I always encourage any criticism. I did not have my ruthless cousin tear apart this chapter first, so I am relying on my own worst/best judgment.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Air Nomad's Lament

* * *

><p>Fai's spirit remained anchored to his mistakes. He still felt the iron of his past, even as he added new weights and new concerns to his already dense spirit. The human spirit was supposed to be light, but regret and desire tied the spirit down. He could not escape it, he found out, even as far north as the water tribe; he carried his mistakes everywhere, tucked into the back of his mind like an ugly memento.<p>

Fai balanced on the precipice of another decision, another possible mistake. He took a deep breath, spirit sinking as he knocked on Kurogane's door. He just did not have the conviction to detach himself from the waterbender.

No sound came from the hut. Of course, Master Kuro's home was on the training course. He smiled at the thought of the waterbender training, swaying his body with practiced motions, shifting from one position to the next as smoothly as an eel. "Kuro-eel is dedicated," he said to himself.

"What did I tell you about my name?" Fai turned around to be greeted by a snowball and another snowball after he wiped of the sludge off from the first. After the third cold hit to his head, his face stung. "Okay, I get it now, Kuro-tan…," he said, leaning out of the way of another snowball and ducking from the next, grinning as if he just understood the joke.

"What do you want?" Kurogane said with a snarl. He stood across from Fai as if they were going to duel, which would be very difficult with a bucket full of water in his hand. The airbender could not deny the steely determination in his eyes or the expressive way his forehead crinkled when he looked at Fai. If he did not explain himself soon, he would feel the sting of another snowball and the sting of Kuro-min's anger.

"Just a visit." They both knew that was a lie, but not because Fai wouldn't disturb his life for no discernable cause other than his amusement. After three weeks of silence, avoidance, and festering resentment, Fai could not simply pay him a visit.

"Get inside," he said at last. Fai could not feel his presence as he brushed by him. Following him inside the hut, was like walking inside a cage of his own making, trapped by the man before him, the man who detested anything frivolous in his life, who avoided games and tricks, and who didn't lie – who was more alluring to Fai than Fai was to him.

He watched him set his bucket near a big belly-shaped cauldron, which Fai had used to cook with before. Nothing changed in Kurogane's hut since Fai last visited. The waterbender's home was still a den of functionality. Every item had a purpose and a place, more of a storeroom than a home really. The airbender had the urge to hang bells somewhere to liven up the place.

"I'm sorry if I caused you to worry about me, Master Kuro. I've been pretty busy."

"You're never been too busy to annoy me before." He stated this in his usual low growl. "So what do you want this time?"

"Just wondering why you left to get a bucket of water. Hasn't Kuro-chi realized that everything here is made of water?" Fai sidestepped the answer to his question. If he was to be honest with himself, he did not know why he visited.

He sat across from the cauldron, and still could not feel the waterbender's presence. By now, he should have exuded some sort of force from the teasing, but Kurogane ignored his existence, or perhaps he was trying to ignore something specific about Fai's existence. After all, he still acknowledged him. "I didn't leave to get water," he said as he lifted the liquid out of the bucket and into the pot. It sizzled as it hit the hot base, steam rising and dancing to the ceiling.

"So Master Kuro is earthbending now?"

"No! It's squid-root okay! I have squid-root in the bucket! It has to be kept in water so it won't shrivel!" He ducked his head and concentrated on swirling the hot water, concentrating a little too much, as the water splashed over the rim.

"I thought you hated bitter squid-root soup," Fai said, barely containing his bubbling amusement. If he had a silver piece for every time Kurogane complained about his foul food, well he would not be much of a humble monk because he would be rich.

"Well, you get used to the sour, soggy, rubbery flavor," he said, ducking his head; the steam did nothing to hide his blush. "I just can't make it right…. I was going to actually ask someone to show me, but no one else knows how to make your weird meals." Fai translated his gruff speech to mean, "_Help me please,_" and since Master Kuro was so polite, he decided to offer his advice.

"Oh," Fai said, jubilantly clapping his hands, "You're just missing the secret ingredient…, love." Fai was splashed with water, but Kurogane showed he cared by not bending the water from the cauldron. "Okay, I'll help you, but I want a favor in return. I want to train with Master Kuro."

"Fine."

"Really?" The request was nothing more than bait. Fai did not expect any answer. The training ground was something he always thought of as personally Kurogane. Somehow, it felt more private than invading his body. He expected a solid objection to the suggestion, just a little niggle. He didn't even wonder why Fai would want to learn waterbending moves he could not use.

"I'll train you. It's probably the most productive thing you've suggested. Besides, I could use a sparring partner," he said with a grin, and his presence was stronger, full of himself. Perhaps, volunteering to be under the man's command, in his own element, would be more interesting than Fai thought, like poking a platypus-bear.

"Are you going to help me with the meal, or what?"

"Right! Kuro-chi's spices are on the top shelf." He hopped over to the shelf, thankful that Kurogane organized everything. Oddly, the spices were ordered by color, placing hot spices next to sweet. He would have to explain how problematic that could be later.

"Hey."

"I know, I'm taking too long," he said, sounding more amused as he realized that Kurogane also organized the jars by size and shape.

"That's not it." Fai turned towards Kurogane, watching his hands shake with the effort of holding in his emotions. "If you ever do something as stupid as fly into a storm again, I will drag you back and ground your dumbass."

"I didn't know Kuro-tan could fly." He shook with laughter, imagining the waterbender growing a pair of fluffy wings, soaring high in the clouds… and falling, just like him. Like a thunderclap, the memory flashed: cold winds, a dark sky, and a desperate voice calling for him. He stared blankly at the wall of Kurogane's hut, reminding himself that he was still on Earth. "Don't worry about it, Master Kuro… I think I learned my lesson."

**oOo**

Clouds blanketed the sky, keeping its secrets locked from Fai's prying eyes. Today, the air was cool and mild, nothing like that night. The sky had moods, personality, and he knew what it looked like angry, but now, it was distant with Fai.

"The sky's not going to provide an answer for you, young pupil," said Ashura while he placed a delicate hand on the boy's shoulder. His new mentor was a non-intrusive sort of man, often like a guardian spirit rather than a mentor.

"I know." He walked away from the little comfort he had. Teacher and student had journeyed into the ruins of an abandoned temple. Walls and pillars, with no ceiling to support, marked the forgotten past. Fai sat on the base of a broken pillar, watching his own hands on his lap and feeling as worn as the vine-covered rubble all around him.

Master Ashura glided next to him with his pristine white robes billowing in the wind, "Are you ready to move on?" The student's brows crinkled in confusion as he tried to guess what question his mentor was really asking. As he wondered, a quick pain whacked against his skull with a thud.

"Ow!" He rubbed his head, more shocked than hurt.

"Your reflexes could use some work." Master Ashura held his staff lightly with a mildly impish smile. No matter what shenanigans the man was up to, he always looked regal. Unlike most airbenders, he had long black hair that trailed behind him like a cape; Fai thought it was beautiful. As distant and lost as he was, he still admired the gorgeous and talented master with a forlorn smile.

Ashura's master airbender arrow peeked from his dark bangs. He was respected among airbenders, creating two of the techniques that were now a necessary requirement in order to receive the master's arrow. Fai had not mastered all thirty-two techniques, but Yuui had. His brother was more diligent, more mastered, and more missed than Fai ever could be. "I keep wondering, why Yuui and not me?" Fai said, baring his soul to a man he knew for two weeks.

"I cannot provide the answers either. Your mental block will continue unless you accept the outcome of that night," said Ashura.

"I know what you're going to tell me, that I can't find balance until I accept death as a part of life, but I do accept death. Yuui is dead, and nothing can change that! If he wasn't dead, I wouldn't feel so guilty!" The energy that coursed through his body as he yelled left him just as quickly and he collapsed back on the pillar, cradling his head. "I don't care about ever airbending again. I told the monks that. I told them everything."

"That wasn't what I was going to say." He placed a cool hand on the boy's shoulder. His master's calming life energy permeated through the stale temple air. "I know how you place the blame on yourself. It was your idea to fly in the storm. It was your idea to coax your brother into flying, even though you are the more skilled flier." As Ashura talked, Fai ducked his head, unable and unwilling to defend his mistakes.

"It was in that storm that he was struck by lightning. All those are facts." He continued, not giving the words any weight or consideration, "However, guilt is an illusion brought on by the greater illusion of control. You still struggle with this misplaced notion that you could have controlled those events."

"If I knew…."

"You couldn't have, and you share this particular weakness with the rest of us. To access your own strength, you must first acknowledge this weakness – that is balance. You were weak in the presence of a powerful force, and you will find yourself in that position many times, but you cannot blame yourself for being a witness to a tragic event. We are not in control of destiny." Ashura's talked with Fai, but his voice resonated as if he was sharing a deeper pain. His master looked older in that moment, withered, just like the stone monuments.

"Are you telling me to be weak?"

"I am telling you to accept that you can be weak." Ashura was not the kind of man who would offer physical comfort, so Fai expected that he would not receive a hug. Still, the words were welcomed comfort.

"I-I still don't know if I could bend again." The tears dried, but the sting remained in his eyes.

"Maybe you will." Without warning, his staff cracked against Fai's head. "Ow!" As he rubbed his lump, his master said, "But first we need to work on your reflexes." From that day forward, Fai looked towards Ashura for answers instead of the sky.

**oOo**

He sidestepped out of the way of Kurogane's strike, twisting around the waterbender and placing his foot in front of his opponent's next step. Instead of tripping, he snatched Fai's arm and used the momentum of his own body to twist him into a locked embrace. "Why do you keep sidestepping? You have to attack sometime." Trapped in Kurogane's iron grip, Fai relaxed against his chest.

Somehow, it did not seem much like a loss when the waterbender was forced to hold him so securely. Kurogane's hot breath grazed his cheek. He exerted a lot of energy trying to catch the slippery airbender. Fai knew he was not an easy catch. He pitied any fool who tried to gasp someone as wispy as him.

"I showed you the moves, and you imitated them perfectly. At least resolve to follow through with the lesson." Kurogane's chest rumbled as he spoke, reverberating with conviction. "You wanted to learn waterbending moves, but you keep playing around."

"But you're such a fun playmate."

"And you're a lazy monk," said Kurogane, though the comment lacked the heat of his usual insults. He sounded blissfully resigned to Fai's nature, and Fai realized that it was because they were on the training ground. Master Kuro was defined on the battlefield, and Fai felt it was easier for him to analyze the airbender in terms he was accustomed with as a warrior. In battle, Fai's usual unpredictable method challenged the waterbending master to redefine his own fighting style, and he thrived with the challenge. Then again, that was just a guess on Fai's part. Kurogane just seemed happy to fight.

Not wanting to disappoint the fighter, Fai surprised him by falling deliberately, pulling the waterbender down with him. Before hitting the ground, the airbender secured his footing and deliberately scooted backwards, ducking under Kurogane's legs and breaking the grip. In a split second, he had pulled the waterbender down and slipped behind him, all without moving his arms.

"That was cheap!" On all fours, Kuro-min blushed. If he were a firebender, the ice probably would have melted from the heat of his embarrassment. With the dignity of a warrior who had not just had his ass in the air, he stood up and reprimanded Fai. "If you're just going to pull pranks instead of letting the lesson sink in, then we should just quit now. It's no use teaching you if you keep dodging the lessons."

"I'm sorry, Master Kuro-chi. Old habits. After all, I am an airbender. I can't help but to avoid confrontation." He bowed modestly, being less modest with his impish grin.

"Yeah, well, if you want to learn waterbending moves as easily you learned airbending, you should at least pretend to give a shit."

"In all honesty, it took a while for me to learn the basics of airbending. I was only ever naturally good at flying. It took me years to master all my techniques. I suppose I'm just a slow learner." He laughed, the sound echoed against the icy fortress, sounding hollow even to Fai's ears. The little bit of truth in his statement tainted the lie and made it seem more unnatural.

Kurogane said, "You really take me for an idiot, don't you?" Fai could not recognize the growl in his voice. Was it an angry growl or a tired growl, or was it a, "_Fai, I just don't understand you_," growl?

"Okay, okay, I will follow Master Kuro-pan's orders." Taking his stance, he faced the waterbending master, who adapted a natural pose. Kurogane was an odd one, able to relax on the battlefield but stiffening up in social situations. Fai admitted that was part of the reason he found him so endearing. Not only that, he could be quite considerate in his own gruff way. He treated people as he treated his katas, careful and focused. Fai saw these traits easily because they were the compliment of his own flaws.

In training, one barely had time to talk or plan. Fai's style was quick and light, lending him to twist around and avoid an attack at a moment's notice. Hands outstretched, palms up in a position that looked as if he was measuring his opponent, he shuffled around his swipes. Realizing he was falling into old airbender habits, he shifted his stance to resemble Kurogane's smooth posture.

"Your stance is too wide," Master Kuro said. They continued to spar despite Fai's wide stance.

"Stop moving so much and wasting energy."

"You'll break your ankle doing that!"

Fai sighed, thinking that Kurogane was a little too in his element. Kurogane really did fight like a quick current now that Fai thought about it, so fluid and overwhelming. Every strike flowed with the next, never losing momentum. Dodging his blows, he tried to be a current himself. Fai realized that he was anticipating Kurogane's moves as if they were his own. Reflexively, he shielded a blow, feeling the force of his opponent's strike and redirecting that force away from him with a shove of his arm. Kurogane twisted around and smirked. "That is more like it."

The training continued, with Master Kuro determined to wear done Fai until he was a lump of liquefied muscle. Fai didn't think that feeling liquefied qualified as being like a waterbender, but evidently that was what Kurogane's aim was, as the training wore on until dusk.

"See, you are capable of learning."

Fai smiled in return, even though he was out of breath. "When my life's on the line maybe."

"I wouldn't put your life in danger," said Kurogane with an indiscernible frown as he offered his hand. Feeling deflated, he appreciated the steady arm that helped lift him up. He did not let go as Fai found balance. Still steady, still intense, his grasp was surprising tender, and the airbender realized how much he misjudged Kurogane's effect on him.

Many things in the world could be explained as just natural occurrences. The sun set in the west because it did. People died because they could. People loved because they couldn't stop loving. The world was what it was. It happened that Kurogane kissed him that night, and it happened that he returned the kiss. Fai wouldn't call it natural, though it was in Kurogane's nature to find romance right after sparring. He would say it was something that just happened. Fai would rather believe this was a wanton act of need and convenience rather than an honest expression of emotions.

**oOo**

"The element of air opens all different possibilities. Abandon your constraints and choose your path with an open mind."

"Master Ashura, I'm just choosing what to have for lunch." Student and master laughed as the vendor looked at them in puzzlement.

They had wandered into a small earth village near the outskirts of Omashu. The place seemed to be a crossroads for travellers; more unusual folk other than the airbenders crowded near the various benders. Luckily, for the two vegetarians, they happened to stumble upon a merchant that sold something other than meat; it also happened to be the smallest stall.

"Hey, you two are master airbenders aren't you?" said the old merchant, smiling pleasantly, "Don't know why I didn't notice it before. Been a while since I've seen an arrow on someone's head."

"Yes, we are both masters," said Ashura, placing a hand on Fai's back encouragingly. At the age of seventeen, the young airbender had finally mastered all thirty-two techniques and received his arrow. The mark still did not feel like a part of him, and when people stared at it, he felt as if he had something crawling on his head. However, Ashura treated the mark as if it was just another part of Fai, instead of an addition. It was a stretch to say that Ashura was proud, and Fai did not feel as if he was, but he did acknowledge the effort of his student's work.

"I knew it. Monks are always the best customers." Both airbenders smiled benignly, recognizing the hopeful tone in the man's voice.

After they had bought their daily bread, they continued their aimless journey. A thought troubled the student, as his feet trailed in the dirt. "What is it Fai?"

"I just-I am a master airbender aren't I?"

"You are." Simple affirmation.

"That means I have no more need for a master."

"No, you don't." The words were enough to halt the student where he stood. All those years with Ashura, training, learning…, he was just preparing his student to leave him. Fai should have been prepared for the departure, but he did not feel like detaching himself to the only person he had left in the world. Ashura was his anchor. "You shouldn't call me master anymore now that we are equals." Fai did not want that. Being equals meant that Ashura had no responsibility to stay with him, nothing to hold him to Fai.

"Ashura?" Fai felt the pressure in the air shift suddenly, and he ducked from the staff that swung at his head.

"You reflexes have improved as well. Just because you're a master doesn't mean you don't have more to learn. Our lessons are not finished," said Ashura. Fai nodded his head, feeling light enough to fly without airbending.

"What more can I learn?"

"Airbending is keeping an open mind to the possibilities. There isn't a limit to what you can learn," he said as he handed Fai his staff. "For example." Ashura held his hand, straight as a blade, to his shoulder. Taking a calming breath, he sliced the air. Fai thought he recognized the move, but the pocket of air that flew from his hand felt different from other airbending, like a pocket of nothing honed to a fine point. It sliced through rock with the ease of a sword through bamboo.

"That's amazing…, but," Fai said this, dispiriting as he imagined flesh being torn open instead of rock, "what would you use it for?"

"Knowledge for knowledge's sake is its own reward, but it is still useful for making a quick salad." Ashura's modest smile belayed no hostility, even with Fai's hidden accusation.

"Oh." Doubting Ashura went against the fiber of his being. For the past few years, Ashura had done everything for him; he gave him no reason to doubt his integrity. The feeling was bitter to Fai, who would rather trust his giving mentor unconditionally than cast him in a dark, remote shadow.

* * *

><p>The hardest decision to make was the direction of this chapter. To make a long story short, I rewrote it, in Fai's POV.<p>

Using airbending to create a vacuum is speculation in the A:TLA fandom. A very neat idea, and I figured Ashura would be the type man to be creative and push the limits of his own abilities.

As always, don't go easy on me with feedback. If I made a mistake, I would like to know.


	4. Chapter 4

Air Nomad's Lament II

* * *

><p>Airbending was the element of freedom, freedom from personal constraints, freedom from worldly concerns. The mastered airbender exemplified these traits. Fai believed Ashura exemplified these traits. His knowledge and insight was unrestrained. Given a problem, the man could give ten solutions and pick the best one, while at the same time experimenting with the worst. He was modest in personality, but his spirit could not be tempered.<p>

Reverently, Fai practiced Ashura's unique technique, creating a void in the air, taking the element away from a space and transforming something into nothing. The force of the technique was surprisingly destructive, creating an opposing force for all existence. Taking the element of air away could collapse buildings, abandoned of course, even crumble metal as though it was paper. He instructed Fai in all his techniques as if he was trying to unburden this weight, but Fai was not a sufficient catalyst. He still clumsily fumbled through his lessons, not able to absorb all of Ashura's skills.

Although Fai was hesitant to admit it, his mentor had changed since the day he met him, as if his spirit strained from the overbearing weight of his insight and knowledge. He often caught Ashura wandering at night, with his white cloak giving him a ghostly appearance, alone in the world with no equal. One night, while overlooking a grassy moor, Ashura asked him, "What would you call true freedom?"

Feeling as if he was answering a well-rehearsed test question, he replied, "Freedom is detachment from worldly desires."

"If that is the case then are any of us free?" The young airbender knew of his own attachment, his own weakness, but he always thought of his former-master as a free man.

"Fai, what do you think of me?" he said, closing his eyes. Fai thought he smiled, but then he thought it was the trick of the moonlight.

The winds blew against Fai's ear, trying to tell him an important secret, as if the moor was whispering a warning. He ignored this because Ashura just asked him an important question. "You've been everything to me since I lost Yuui. You're the most important person in my life."

"That's what I thought. Thank you Fai." The wind howled more earnestly, but Fai asked his mentor, "For what?" He knew that Ashura was not grateful for Fai like he was for him; his mentor held no attachments for his pupil. What they had was a quiet, mutual existence of pleasant company. Fai was content with that.

"You just answered a question that I have wondered for quite some time now." His master left him with that cryptic message, but Fai did not mull it over. Even if he did concern himself with Ashura's quirks, he doubted he would be able to decipher the complex trappings of his master's thoughts.

He never truly understood his old master, and that was a great regret.

**oOo**

Perhaps it was Fai's imagination or he was more astute than he gave himself credit for, but Kurogane seemed happy. Well, perhaps happy was an insignificant word to describe Kurogane. His nature wasn't to be full of joy. For a lack of a better word, Fai would call him happy.

He rested on the furs next to Fai, head propped, eyes closed. His position was too uncomfortable to sleep or meditate, but he did look serene. All the frown lines on his face were smooth, and he relaxed his hand on Fai's hip. He tried to pinpoint the source of Kurogane's happiness, but could not find any significant change in his hut. The half bottle of fermented sweet plums probably helped, but alcohol alone could not bring happiness.

"Are you happy Kuro-chi?" His own limbs felt like noodles and the alcohol rose to his cheeks.

"Was," he grunted, "When it was quiet. Do you have other plans, or do you just want to make noise like usual."

"It's too cold to do anything but talk. I have to thank you for sharing your bed and booze with me. I don't think I could make it past this winter without it." Feeling the draft creep into the furs, he wiggled closer to Kurogane's heat. Accustomed to warm breezes, the chilly winter air of the north practically haunted him.

"I've seen children handle the winter better than you," he said, sounding like a grumbling platypus-bear. Despite his reproach, he put his arms around the shivering airbender, who took advantage of the vulnerability, and nudged his head under the man's chin.

"Comfortable?" Kurogane's voice rumbled in his chest. His words reverberated against Fai like a drum skin. The waterbender was solid and surrounding him with warmth. He wondered how he felt to Kurogane. Was he just as solid, or did he feel unsubstantial between his arms, like an empty space?

A question hovered in the air, something Fai avoided voicing. Giving thoughts voice gave them meaning and weight. Without a voice, a thought was just nothing. "What do you think of me?" he said suddenly, words escaping his mouth before he decided whether or whether not he really wanted an answer.

"Right now?"

"Every day."

Kurogane's words were always raw and powerful, so Fai believed that any answer would be full of damning conviction. "That's a stupid question. I don't have the same opinion every day. Sometimes you annoy me. You don't always tell the truth. You don't consider the consequences of your actions. I think you do it on purpose." Fai frowned in his arms. Kurogane did not have any delusions about Fai, yet he still accepted him and his flaws.

The waterbender mistook his confusion for anger, as he quickly added, "You're not that bad. You're concerned with others more than yourself, and I feel as if someone should watch over you or something." His tongue stumbled with the compliment, an unfamiliar exercise for the waterbender.

"What makes you think I am concerned about others, or that I need someone to watch over me?" He did not answer immediately. They did not move and barely breathed.

"The other day," he said at last, "You comforted that little girl that was bullied by the other kids. You showed her the waterbending moves that I showed you and stayed with her until she did not cry."

"Pannya," said Fai, remembering the little girl. "I didn't know you were watching."

"You were late for our session. I saw and waited." Although, Fai was not convinced that he was a caring person, Kurogane still made his point. He saw more of Fai than Fai let him see, and that was worrisome, as he still had something he had to guard. He wrapped his arms around himself tightly, as if he could lock his secrets inside.

"There's something else," Kurogane said, "Teaching girls waterbending is forbidden in our tribe. I told no one. Princess Tomoyo may let it pass, but some more traditional men might put pressure on the situation."

"So what I did was careless. Why didn't you stop me, Master Kuro?"

"You can be careless at times, but I saw no reason to stop you."

"That was unusually kind of you."

The skin tighten around Kurogane's chest as he slowly inhaled. This close, Fai could feel the trachea's pathways, how the energy rushed into the waterbender's body through his throat. "You say that as if I am not ever kind," he said, voice sounding rougher with the effort of trying to sound smooth.

"Most people do not think sandpaper is kind either, but that is what a woodworker chooses to round out the edges of an armrest. To a woodworker, sandpaper is very kind," said Fai, proud of his words. Kurogane did not appreciate his words as much as Fai had hoped. By the look of his face, Fai might have spoken in gibberish.

"I am sandpaper."

Fai nodded, inching his cold toes closer to Kurogane while he was distracted. "And that would make me wood, a large, rough piece of unpolished wood. Maybe you should rub me?" "Aren't you supposed to be a monk?" "Honestly, Kuro-chi, where do you think little monks come from?" They were so close together, but Fai kept his distance, with smart little comments, with distracting innuendo, and if that didn't work, he could always rely on the waterbender's temperament.

"Damn it! Don't stick your cold feet done there!"

**oOo**

Sometimes, an hour could disappear in a moment of inattention. At other times, an hour stretched into days in anticipation for the next hour. As Fai tried to hold onto his hours, they slipped through his fingers like sand. Ashura would tell Fai that he was trying to obtain something that no mortal could rightfully own. He did not need his master to tell him that he was foolish. Those lessons echoed within Fai. All he needed to do was to listen.

Everywhere, sand glistened like gems. On the outskirts of a desert oasis, he stood alone in the burning sun. The only sound of life was the buzzing of buzzards. Heavy heat rolled off his sunburned back. He did not know which was more uncomfortable, the heat or Ashura's inevitable departure.

Taking a wide stance, he made his first strike, flicking his wrist as he gathered the chi, and with a quick clench of his hand, he dispersed the chi, leaving nothing in its place.

_Crack! _

The sand blew apart with an unseen force, leaving a deep fissure. He rotated around, striking another area with the same movement, repeating the same action.

_Crack! Crack! _

The force created a few more fissures. Then he collapsed on all fours, gasping for air. Despite his surroundings, he felt as if he was drowning, struggling to breathe. Worse yet, he did not know the weight that held him down. Although the actual movements for Ashura's type of bending were not strenuous, it drained his energy quicker than his usual airbending. He was not Ashura who made the task look effortless.

He felt the airbender's presence before he heard him approach. The man looked unmarked by the desert, his billowing cloak as immaculate as ever. The master airbender was able to walk without being affected by the physical world. Fai always wondered if he really was mortal as he claimed and not a spirit.

"They say that a tiger-dillo uses all his strength when cornered," said Ashura as he surveyed his former pupil's exhausted form.

He stood on shaky knees. "I do not think I am much like a tiger-dillo." Ashura's eyes looked past Fai, as if seeing something other than his student. Because of this, His master always saw past deceptions, never acknowledging anything other than the truth. Finally, in a minute that stretched longer than it should have, Ashura acknowledged him.

"You are more like a spider-fly, trapped in your own web. At this rate you will exhaust yourself to death." He pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to stave off a headache, "No, I apologize… I should have never taught you a technique you are not mentally prepared for." A forlorn smile crept on his face as Ashura voiced what Fai already knew.

"I don't even think I was prepared to be a master airbender." The blue arrows on his hands looked like scars to him, the mark of a mistake. His hands shook, from weakness and uncertainty. He did not let his expression belay his concern, though. He did not want his master to worry.

"True, the monks were hasty with their decision," he said softly, "But I do not doubt that you met their expectations." _But he did not meet Ashura's expectations._ He continued to talk, his voice melting with the desert heat, unrelenting but true, "I should have known, with your disposition, it is impossible for you to master….Fai, I want you to cease this training when I leave."

"I guess I failed you then. That's why you're leaving me."

His master shook his head. "I am leaving you of my own volition." The sun peaked under the horizon, bathing the desert in orange light. The day slowly gave way for night. So this was the evening of their time together as mentor and student. "I do not know when our paths will cross again, but when they do I would like a promise."

"I will." He stood up and faced the other airbender.

"I will have a question for you. I would like an honest answer." "But…" Ashura's eyes, like the clear sky, looked at him pleadingly. "I will."

Keeping his eyes on the ground, he did not see Ashura approach. When a little bit of weight was placed on his shoulders, he was shocked. A rosary and pendant. Ashura's pendant, with his four-pronged crest etched into the wood. "I can't… Not many monks get to wear this sign of respect."

"It suits you better than me," he said with understated confidence. He was not the type of man who would give a compliment, nor was he the type of man to lie. This symbol of Ashura's respect was his. Why? He could only grasp blindly for an answer.

He closed his eyes and soaked in this moment, feeling the last rays of daylight on his back.

**oOo**

His past was almost a muddled dream now, and it should have no effect on the present. Time was funny though. The past sometimes sneaked into his life unexpected. Presently, he was watching Kurogane and the other waterbenders perform for Tomoyo's festival. The waterbender stretched his lucid muscles, swirling the water in front of him like a whip and Fai saw his old master creating a vortex. The crowd awed at the synchronized display of mastery and he heard the howling wind. Distance did not dull the memories.

"Try the sweet bean puffs, I think you'll like them," said Tomoyo, crouching next to him. Her bangles twinkled merrily as she took a seat.

"It's from the Earth Kingdom isn't it?" Fai had tried them before, but he nibbled on the end of one pastry anyway. Taking his eyes off Kurogane for a moment, he looked around the crowd of visitors, spotting some green Earth Kingdom garb in the crowd and a few red Fire Nation citizens. "You put together quite a party Tomoyo."

"Yes, but no airbenders came this year. I had hopes of introducing you to Kujaku. You two would have gotten along well," she said, sighing wistfully.

"I'm sorry that we airbenders are so hard to catch."

"We managed to catch you."

"Yes, but I am an easy catch." He laughed as she swatted at him playfully. Charming was not a word he used often, but that was a fitting word for the princess.

As the waterbenders left the stage, three women in red replaced them. The youngest had fiery eyes and hair to match, tied back in a whip-like braid. The oldest of the woman was a tall maiden with auburn curls and the most revealing armor. The last woman had hair that trailed like a black cape and eyes as keen as eagle eyes. This woman, with her composure and her delicate features, reminded him of someone.

"My sister," said Tomoyo fondly. She rested her chin on her hands and watched the ladies with warmth in her eyes.

The firebenders began, forming rings of fire in the arena. Each movement was like a tigress's strike. Force turned into energy; energy turned into fire. The rings broke apart into smaller flames and danced around the masters. The red tongues whipped around the performers, illuminating their skin, but never touching them. Perfect energy. Perfect synchronization. Perfect balance.

"Hey." The gruff voice could only belong to one master. Kurogane grabbed a piece of salted blue salmon as he sat next to Fai, no other words of greeting needed.

Fai greeted, "Kuro-foo-foo, we were just talking about you." He choked on the fish, swallowing the food with pained difficulty. "What the hell!" He leered over the only airbender, but he was not able to intimidate with Tomoyo giggling on the side.

"Your performance was splendid, Kurogane," said Tomoyo, easily slipping into a new topic. "But if you hadn't represented our tribe well, I would have punished you severely."

Fai, not wanting to miss a little teasing at Kurogane's expense, said, "But his follow through with the water whip was stiff. I know he is more flexible tha..mmph." A slice of spotted cucumber was shoved in his mouth. "Eat your stupid vegetables." Kurogane hid his face, which was a gorgeous shade of rouge. The crowd's cheers swallowed the waterbender's incoherent grumbling that followed.

"Fai, I am sorry for interrupting, but I would like an answer for a question." He truly felt that the princess was interested in this answer. Sometimes Tomoyo spoke just to ease a situation. Now could have been one of those times, but she was too earnest. "I'm sorry it is such short notice, but since this is a celebration of the four nations, would you represent airbending?" Fai blanched more than Kurogane.

"I don't think I have anything interesting to show. You can't really see air, after all." He was keenly aware of wolfish eyes regarding him.

Tomoyo nodded, for once looking as if she did not have an answer prepared. She must have expected him to accept. "Thank you for an answer." She kept his gaze, and he grew uncomfortable with her sincere eyes. He feigned interest in the firebending as he apologized.

For their finale, the three women created dozens of dancing flames that floated on an invisible chandelier. They tossed the fire back and forth, as they twisted on the stage. When the firebenders finished their routine and took a bow, everyone cheered the last performance of the night.

**oOo**

Fai breathed steadily, feeling his lungs expand and his muscles relaxed. He exhaled, releasing a small amount of energy and inhaled new energy. He focused on his breath. Eye closed, legs crossed, thumbs together, he was a still lake in spring.

Although he was tranquil on the surface, his chi was chaotic. The depths of his soul was churning. A person could still drown in still waters. An undercurrent existed beneath the surface. He sometimes felt it try to pull him down, but he ignored it as long as he could keep his head above water. He had no name for this foreboding feeling that crept under the surface. This threat had no form yet. He feared it all the same.

The air nomad shivered as the waterfall trickled down his bare back. He continually surprised himself with how bad of a monk he was. He could not even meditate under a waterfall. The other monks told him that he had a monkey mind that jumped everywhere, and he had to agree with them. Teeth chattering, he snapped from his position and leaped out of the waterfall, reaching the shore in one bound.

He never could meditate for long.

It had been almost a year since he last saw Ashura. He knew he would meet Ashura again because he made a promise to him. The heavy pendant that weighed around his neck reminded him of that promise. Squeezing his loincloth out absently, he wondered if his old master was well, how much he changed, if he still remembered Fai. The solitude crept up on him then.

"Come now Fai," he said to himself, as he unfolded a set of crisp robes, "You're not a child anymore. You cannot just run back to Ashura because you feel lonely." He sounded much like an adult as he said that.

A mentor and student shared a unique bond, and Fai realized that was what he missed. He did not want to revert to a student. When a hermit crab leaves its shell, he does not wish to return to the cramped space. Ashura shared his life and knowledge with him. It was his duty not to let that gift stagnate. Gifts like that should be passed on, he reasoned. Perhaps one day he would have an apprentice too, and pass onto him the tradition that was timeless to the air nomads. With a sunny smile, he used airbending to fling his bag to himself. Happier and warmer, he set out on his journey to the Northern Air Temple, where he might rendezvous with Ashura. He walked further into the woods, formulating a strategy to deliver the news to his old master. As he thought about it, the idea became more solid, turning into a dream, and then a plan. By the time he reached the main road, he knew he wanted to be a mentor.

He almost forgot about the other news, one that would concern not just Ashura. Rumors spread through the territory like a plague, of a white spirit that stole the soul from a person's body, leaving lifeless husks. He clutched the staff in his hands. Traveling alone was a perilous life. Being just a mortal, he could do nothing about the deaths and hoped Ashura would have answers.

The earth rumbled under his feet and a sound like a hammer being struck on a hard surface warned him moments before a piece of earth shot up in front of him. He leaped back, feeling the air whip around him. More earth tried to engulf him and he dived out of the way, each second crucial to avoid the moving rock. Using airbender he threw back the rock that flew at him while ducking and twirling out of the way of more earth.

Finally, he put his hands up while sidestepping out of the way of more rocks. "All right." His voice, though diplomatic and friendly, had an underlying tone of exasperation. "This simple monk is impressed. Your display of earthbending is good enough to warrant a reward don't you think?" The earth encased him, and he welcomed his attackers like old friends, with a grin and a warm welcome. Three men. No. Two men and one boy.

He thought about just blowing them away, but preferred to resolve conflict nonviolently. The world already had enough violence. Perhaps he could set an example for the young men. The price for surrendering would more than likely be his possessions. It was just easier to give it up.

"Just a stick and junk. Is this how you plan to pay passage through Chin's territory?" With a clatter, his staff and his belongings were tossed to the ground.

Fai thought. Chin… the general that plagued the northern territory, a threat to independent Earth Kingdom villages and a tyrant who was infamous for his incredibly short stature and shorter temper. He wondered who these rogues were, as the latest news was that Chin led a campaign south to challenge Avatar Kyoshi. Stragglers most likely. Men who avoided the front lines. Fai didn't blame them, though.

"I'm sorry I have nothing valuable. I think the fruit tart is worth stealing personally. I wouldn't want you to come out of this empty handed." They shared perplexed looks, asking each other if this strange man was worth their time.

"Are you sure you don't have anything valuable, monk?" One such man, chosen to be the spokesperson based on his intimidating figure no doubt, stepped in front of the trapped airbender, so all he could see was his barrel chest. The narrow forest path suddenly seemed more narrow.

"Only that which is valuable to me. I do not need much to live…." Fai trailed off as he realized something unusual. Familiar with the forest, he immediately noticed the silence around him. The birds stopped chirping and any sounds of animals were of those that scattered away.

"If you are ly-ai-ai…." The man grasped his chest as if struck, and he fell to his knees, convulsing. As spasms wracked his body, his comrades stared in horror, backing away from the airbender as if he were a demon. The man thrashed on the ground, hand clutching his throat in his last death throws, trying to keep his soul from escaping. The life was sucked out of him, and he could do nothing.

Gliding towards them was a figure in white, a spirit that walked in the sun. Raising pale palms and clutching long fingers, it took the life from the other two men. Fai could hear it this time, the sound of ribs cracking, collapsing on their lungs, suffocating even their screams of pain and fear. His earth prison crumbled along with the other two men's life, and he collapsed to the ground as well. The breath in his own lungs felt heavier as he recognized this man. The feeling of drowning returned, as did the unnamed fear.

Spirits did not throw shadows, but Fai knew the moment he felt the presence in the woods, this was no spirit. He looked at him, his mentor, and friend, and found the name for his unnamed fear. "Ashura." The word was uttered like a gasp. Some sane part of him a long time ago tried to warn him of this undercurrent, of the changing waves. He had nothing left to do but drown. Prepared to feel death's finger, he was surprised when a gentle hand rested on his shoulder, surprised but no less frightened. The touch of his hand felt as comforting as a blade.

"Fai, are you capable of setting me free?"

* * *

><p>I will just like to add that I love the weird biology of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Tiger-dillos and spider-flies do not undermine the seriousness of the story…much. Okay, they do, but they are still fun. In the spirit of Avatar, I made squid-root up.<p>

I hope I didn't disappoint. I find that the way Ashura hurt Fai was entirely internal. Ashura was the one who built Fai up, gave him hope, so he is the one who can easily crush his spirits and make him question his worth and existence. I still believe that they had a deep and mutual bond and that Ashura cared for Fai. It just so happens that Ashura could not protect Fai from himself that well. At least that was how I saw it in canon. Oh, and Ashura-ou is not a rapist. XP

I will be quite busy until August 10. Fic production has been slow, but I have been writing. I will finish this story if it is the last thing I do, so don't worry if the update time takes a little longer than usual.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for having the patience to wait for my longest update period for this fic. I apologize for putting this chapter off. The delay was a result of writer's block and laziness.

Edited because I am an unappreciative writer: Thanks to Zelinxia who helped me out while I was struggling with some dialogue, and who also listened to every one of my fic woes. *hugs* You've been so helpful and supportive, despite not knowing a lick about Avatar.

* * *

><p>When Kurogane set out on his journey to retrieve the airbender, he wanted resolution. Prepared to smack the jerk that ran out on him, he did not actually expect to find him. Now that he had him, he was uncertain.<p>

"Ashura killed those earthbenders without a thought; no, not like that. It was as if he already debated their deaths and came to the conclusion long before meeting them," Fai shared his past while absently staring at the river. Kurogane remained silent, staring into the same spot as Fai trying to imagine what he was seeing. His old master's face? Dead bodies?

"I ran from him," spoke Fai. He paused for a moment, and then increased his pace. "I flew as far as I could, north, until a storm destroyed my glider. You know the rest."

As he talked about his mistakes and Ashura, his voice faltered several times. It must have been unpleasant, like letting poison bleed from a wound. However, they both knew that the airbender needed to cleanse himself, and all Kurogane could do for him was let him bleed.

They continued to follow winding path of the river. Fai led, still limping, still broken. He carefully navigated around loose rocks and fallen logs. Aided by a sturdy stick he found, he traversed the terrain as best as he could. Kurogane stared at his back, watching every careful movement, doglike with his attention. Just by appearances, they looked as if they were on an afternoon stroll.

"I always thought it was my fault," he paused, again, "I should have realized sooner that something was wrong with Ashura and his lessons. His airbending was different. I felt the emptiness claw at my mind every time I used Ashura's technique. I felt as if I could lose my mind and not care. I am almost certain that was what happened to Ashura. But it doesn't matter now. I suppose I will never know why he changed." Fai let out a sigh every time he spoke his old master's name.

One word that he was beginning to hate was 'Ashura'. Kurogane had never met the airbender and already he wanted to punch him in the face. He felt the anger crash against his self-restraint, but he held this swelling maelstrom in, clenching his fists as if to physically contain his emotions. Jealousy was not an issue. He knew his feelings for the airbender, and he stubbornly committed to those. Even if Fai abandoned him for a past ghost, he would still stubbornly clench to those feelings.

"I can tell I am upsetting Master Kuro," Fai said with a smile. With those tearstained eyes, he was fooling no one.

"I am not angry at you." He grabbed Fai by his bony shoulders and was relieved when Fai held his gaze and didn't try to avoid Kurogane for once. "I don't like seeing you in so much pain because of that guy, that's all."

"You are just full of surprises. I didn't expect you to even follow me after you know…," he said, and Kurogane added, "Abandoning me?" Nudging Kurogane's hands off his shoulders, Fai continued, "I didn't think it would hurt you that much."

"Then you don't know me that well," he growled.

Fai looked at him in mild shock. He opened his mouth a few times, miming words. Then he just shook his head. A few more moments passed. A breeze rustled through his long blond hair. Water lapped at their feet. He took that time, that stagnate moment, to look at Fai. Worn like an old shirt, ten pounds less than what he remembered, his journey must have been harsh.

Kurogane wanted to know, "Did you ever find that guy?"

"No. I tried to search for Ashura. I found a couple leads, but I lost his trail around this area."

Kurogane pulled out the pendant hidden under his clothes, his last memento of Fai. Over the past year, the weight of the necklace had reminded him of his decision. "This is important to you right? You wore it all the time," he said. Remorse still edged his words, despite his best effort to hold those emotions at bay.

Fai stared in awe at the beaded necklace, thumbing the beads, counting each one. "Yeah..," Fai said, his voice trailing. He hid the pendant in his cloak and avoided Kurogane's eyes. He sensed a shift in Fai. Even as Fai stood, he leaned slightly in the waterbender's direction, as if he wanted to be swept away carelessly.

A flicker of a grin appeared on his lips as he said, "I cannot believe you picked up all the pieces."

**oOo**

Underneath the Water Tribe laid a catacomb made of ice and pools of frigid ocean water. The turtle-seals made their home in these caverns. In a way, the ice caverns served as a natural ranch. Where else could they find seal jerky? The groaning ocean echoed in this cavern, along with the howls of sea mammals, creating an eerie orchestra. Very few people would chance exploring the ice cavern just for fun. Fai was among the few.

"They're so cute! They bark like bear-wolves!" Turtle-seals surrounded Fai in an unorganized herd. They really were dumb aimless beasts. They knocked into each other with floppy flippers and tossed their head side from side, not caring if they bumped heads together or bumped Kurogane. He only liked them in jerky form.

"Are you done, yet? We saw the stupid turtle-seals, so let's go already."

"Kuro-wolfy barks like a bear-wolf too. You have so much in common," Fai said. Kurogane waded through whiskers and turtle shells to get to the monk and glare at him.

He told the him, "Either you get my name right or we are leaving this place right now." He waited for the monk's response. The airbender twirled the hair around his ear, a sign that he was pondering something devious and un-monk-like.

"I think we can stay here for a little while longer… Kurogane." The seals barked and clambered together as if applauding his twisted logic. Fai petted his audience, and Kurogane had to admit that it was an endearing scene, his knuckle head surrounded by other knuckle heads, as happy as children.

"Tch, fine. Whatever you want," he told Fai, trying to maintain an aura of apathy, failing as a baby turtle-seal poked him in the rear. He moved out of the way, and the little bugger followed, wobbling on flat flippers. Kurogane could never respect a creature that would cozy up to a man who would rather see it on a dinner plate. Turtle-seals had no self-preservation or sense.

He could say the same thing about his own idiot. Fai was a senseless, and often fanciful man, a difficult man to describe really. What the airbender meant to him, he did not know. He was always able to define a person's worth to him, but he never could settle on Fai. Tomoyo was his princess. His family was the tribe. And Fai was his something. Whatever Fai was to him, he was somehow capable of dragging him to do stupid things, like pet turtle-seals?

"I can't believe so many turtle-seals live down here. They just come right up to you," Fai said, whimsical like always.

Unlike Kurogane, he did not mind the marine mammal tide. He smiled, a look of fond wonder on his face, appreciating the simple aspects of nature. Fai hardly looked this soft. Even if Kurogane despised this icy pit of seal meat and blubber, at least he was able to see the monk look so natural and peaceful. Kurogane felt warmth in his gut, threatening to melt his icy exterior. However, when the little turtle-seal poked his leg, he shoved it away.

"Ah, Kuro-chu is so mean."

A crack resounded in the ice cavern. He only just began to protest that stupid name when the sound silenced him. Like bones shattering, the ice cracked again and again. Silence descended on the cavern, as they peered at the ceiling. An ugly scar spread across the icicle-laden dome. The smaller icicles pinged against the frozen floor as they fell, a few at first, but more fell as the ceiling continued to crack.

The waterbender turned to Fai and caught a glimpse of his blue gaze moments before the airbender swung around; a gust followed the movements of his arm. The solid force of the wind blew Kurogane away. He saw a blur of blue and white and heard the ground shatter as he slid across the ice. Dozens of turtle-seals cushioned him before he hit the wall. He climbed out of the seal avalanche.

He stared at the dark reservoir that was not there moments ago. The floor was gone. Fai was gone. The only reason he did not call Fai's name was that he feared another cave-in. Kurogane did not need to think about diving into the icy depths; his body just reacted. Water pressed against his beating heart. He felt the currents, the cold pressure. He knew that the water would squeeze the life out of Fai without hesitation. Fai, the idiot who just saved his life, he would not allow him to die like this, not for his sake.

Turtle-seals dived all around him. No longer waddling on flimsy flippers, they sliced through the waters around Kurogane, darting shadows in the inky pit. '_Why?_' he asked himself. Fai was not chasing death, not doing anything wrong. '_Why now?_' His heart pounded in his ears. He just wanted to pet the stupid turtle-seals! He could not believe death would be so frivolous. He struggled with the current and his thoughts. His fear felt like a battering ram against his chest, but he ignored that pain.

A body hit him, one that was not blubber. He felt the cool skin and hem of a shirt and put his arms around the torso to find that Fai would not budge. The pain in his own chest grew. He could not breathe until Fai was breathing. Feeling the skin, he felt the pendent that was biting into the airbender's neck, the beaded pendant he always wore, now tangled in seaweed. The water was silent as he snapped the choking thread. The hapless beads floated in a halo around them. He scattered them further as he kicked for the surface.

**oOo**

"You know, monk, you're lucky you're still alive," said Kurogane with a huff. Those were not the words he wanted to say, but how could he say what he felt? Inside, he was a whirlpool of relief, resentment, and disbelief. At least they could look each other in the eyes. They understood each other's choices, but understanding did not always lead to resolution. Kurogane just felt as if he was a little less closer to losing Fai.

Fai sighed, "It is possible to live without Master Kuro." Kurogane noticed how often he paused. Before, Fai would fill the silence with empty words, giving no one a chance to think. Now the airbender seemed to pause as much as he breathed. "But it is less enjoyable," he said at last, catching Kurogane off guard. He caught Fai's gaze briefly and saw something familiar. This was not what he would call a happy moment, but it was a moment.

They continued to trek through the woods. The waterbender did not know their destination, walking aimlessly as they were. Even if he did, his map was outdated, as it showed a town ahead, but he knew it was just a rocky cliff. He tried not to think about the shifty merchant that claimed to sell the best maps. He almost fell into the ocean because of the 'best maps in the Earth Kingdom!'

Fai stopped and kneeled, gripping his side. He turned his head, but Kurogane did not miss the grimace. "Don't worry. It's not that bad," he assured. Out of all Fai's little lies, this one was the worst.

"I thought monks were not supposed to lie," the waterbender said before kneeling with him. Pulling the water from his canteen, he wrapped his own hand in healing gauze. The life force of the water pulsed with his heart. He felt Fai's own energy flow through his veins and he searched for the disturbance. Kurogane's healing intuition was still fuzzy. It should feel like a dam blocking the chi. He was searching in the dark, fumbling through Fai's chi and bumped into it.

"Ah! So rough!"

"You used to like it."

"… A joke? Kuro-zuzu must be mad at me, and this healing session is punishment," Fai groaned Kurogane realigned his chi. The airbender really was a mess. Healing him was as difficult as undoing a tight knot. Kurogane, being a novice, could not heal the injuries as much as he liked.

"You'll need to visit a doctor," he said while guiding the water back into his canteen.

"According to your map, the nearest town is a day away," Fai said. His voice already sounded exhausted at the thought of more travel.

"The map is outdated," Kurogane replied quickly, "It marks a town just ahead, but there is only a cliff."

Fai shook his head. If Kurogane knew better, and he did, he would think that the airbender was amused. "There was a town there just a couple weeks ago. I'm surprised you didn't hear."

Kurogane huffed, thinking this whole discussion was a kettle of rotten fish, "A whole town just doesn't disappear! That makes no sense!"

"Well…, it did not disappear as much as it floated away. From what I heard, Shin the Conqueror, and his army tried to challenge Avatar Kyoshi to battle, but she broke off from the continent and took the town with her. I believe Shin fell off that cliff. To get to Kyoshi _Island_, you must take a ferry now." Kurogane knew he was being made fun of now.

"The town floated away?"

"Yes."

"Do you expect me to believe that?"

"You don't think that the master of all four elements is capable of creating an island?" He retorted, slightly in jest. Fai never did answer questions with answers.

"It doesn't really matter. So what if the Avatar created a whole damn island," he grumbled. If he considered the story true, then he had Kyoshi to blame for his three days of aimless wandering. This woman, that he didn't even know, inadvertently inconvenienced him by stealing a part of the continent. However, if he was not wandering, he might not have found Fai. The conundrum only added to his frustration.

He asked, "So is that why you're walking in this direction, to go to Kyoshi island? Do you believe she can really help?" The silence was his answer, but he already knew Fai had made up his mind. "Fine, we can catch a ferry in the next town," he said decisively, thinking this was the first time he volunteered to go with Fai. Then again, this was the first time he saw the airbender resolved.

"Can't get rid of you can I?" Fai said with a sigh. He swayed lightly to his feet, reminiscent of the carefree monk that dragged him to play with marine mammals.

"No. After all, I made a promise."

**oOo**

Sensing the impending night, the people of the water tribe tucked into their homes. One by one, the lanterns were lit, like stars, guiding any stragglers on their way home. Kurogane wandered that night, passing each home and hearing the quiet murmurs as his fellow clansmen settling in. He strode across a bridge, and walked down a few steps to reach the water channels. There, he found the straggler he was looking for.

"It's Kuro-zuzu," said Fai in greeting. The airbender was gazing into the water when Kurogane's reflection appeared right behind his.

"Are you coming home, or are you going to stay here all night?" Kurogane asked. The invitation was unspoken, but the monk should understand.

"That depends if you're cooking," remarked Fai. He grinned wider. Kurogane had no other choice than to glare at his reflection, as the other man did not turn around.

"You ate the bitter squid-root soup I made last night," he argued. He noticed that Fai was no longer looking at his reflection. Craning his neck back, Fai gazed at him. "That I did," he responded warmly; though, he did not say whether he liked Kurogane's cooking or not.

He could barely look at Fai when Fai looked him in the eyes. The only way to preserve his dignity was to look away and pretend as if his stomach did not flutter. He rejected the pile of mush he had become by hardening his expression and folding his arms. Grunting, Kurogane asked, "Why are you staying out so late anyway?"

"Just wanted some time to think," he said swiftly. He patted the patch of ice next to him. Kurogane obliged by crouching down. He stared at the same spot that held Fai's attention, the moon's reflection. He thought, oddly enough, and with some guilt, that it looked like a giant pendant underneath the water.

"So what's so important that you have me search all night for you?" If Kurogane was going to sit on the cold ground, he wanted to know why.

"Us," Fai answered lightly, "You… You saved my life three times."

"Well, the last time, you save my life first. Besides, you didn't ask for trouble," he said while ducking his head. When Fai actually put it into words, he did sound like a hero. At the time, he didn't feel like a hero, just an unlucky bastard who happened to be the only one who could help. Really, wasn't that what all heroes were?

"I was just wondering how long it will take before you get tired of it all and just let me die," the airbender joked. Before he met Fai, he never knew that a smile could be painful.

Kurogane was not the type of man to show his affection easily. Tomoyo always teased that bears were cuddlier; at least they gave hugs. How did a man like him show affection? He smacked Fai over the head, hoping to knock a little sense into him. "Idiot," he reproached, "If you're going to talk nonsense like that, you can sleep alone tonight."

Fai rubbed his head in astonishment. "Are you threatening to kick me out of bed?"

"I didn't save your life three times just so you can pity yourself," he growled in return.

"What if there is a fourth time?" said the airbender in the clumsiest attempt to throw Kurogane off. He did not fall for that old trick, though. After being with Fai for so long, he saw past his disarming attempts.

"If I have to save you a fourth time, you get another smack on the head, as many times as it takes. That is a promise," he said. Then it hit him; he just committed, in his own way, to the most frustrating man in existence. The shock was like ten slaps of cold water to the face.

* * *

><p>One more chapter to go! Not bad for a supposed oneshot. It definitely doesn't count as a oneshot anymore, does it, but it still could be considered a short story.<p>

I am trying my best to make this story accessible to readers who have not seen Avatar: the Last Airbender. However, I love adding bits and pieces from that world. I do not own the concept of turtle-seals, but I absolutely adore them on the show, and they are present at the North Pole, as well as seal jerky.


End file.
